Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Who I am and where I've come from

I thought I should make the slight effort of describing my life so far, obviously without going into extreme detail because lets face it that would be ridiculously mind numbing! I guess it may get long winded but I feel its important for me to do, so I'm understood slightly and why I have the views I have.

I was brought into the world in 1979 by my beautifully amazing mother, I already had my older brother waiting for me. Unfortunately by this stage my father was living two lives and involved in a long term affair. Of course through my childhood I never knew the full extent of what my father had done to my mother but I always grew up not particularly liking him and avoiding going to see him after they had split up, I guess deep down I always knew. I now know he had an affair for years and he wasn't around very much always claiming to be working, but not on what he should of been working on! My mother discovered his affair thanks to my uncle (my fathers brother) having the guts to tell her, she divorced him when I was two. Then the most fantastic man came into my life my stepdad my Dad! My father has done nothing for me over the years through times of hardship and pain he has never stepped forward and been my dad, this is why I will always refer to him as my father. My dad is my stepdad he has done everything in his power for me and my older brother and lets face it he didn't have to. So over the years my mum met my stepdad and they had a little boy together and my father married his mistress and they had two boys together.

My school years were extremely uneventful, not bullied etc just the normal odd falling out with friends over what now seem like the most ridiculous things. I guess I was rebellious but always respected my parents at the same time never pushing them too far.

At age 14 the world decided to show me it does actually have times it completely sucks. My friend is found hanging.........the pain so so strong and at such a young age how we all dealt with this I will never understand and why he felt the need to kill himself at such a young age I will never be able to get my head round he has missed out on so much but in my heart I hope he is living our lives with us.

So life continues. At the age of 18 I meet a man we eventually live together and again the world is the best place to be so much happiness.

But oh no reality check for you young lady, my Grandad (the one I completely adored) gets diagnosed with cancer and after only a few months he is taken away from us. My handsome loving grandad the man who would take me in his arms and dance around the room with me for hours on end..........gone. That pain returns grief is such a body consuming thing surely I shouldn't be feeling this at again such a young age.

The world decides that it doesn't want the pain to stop at this point, me and my man are up getting ready to go on holiday that day and the phone rings........you need to come to the phone now! Hello........... my legs buckle beneath me engulfed with emotions so uncontrollable. My best friend for the past five years had been killed in a car crash the night before, the night before he was suppose to be getting married! Another important person to me just taken away in seconds. At this point my world felt destroyed how could I keep feeling this pain and keep on living?

But I did and great joy came into my life my adorable son, he is my world and my only regrets are that he will never get to meet these amazing people from my life, he's seven now and he knows all about these people our beautiful angels that watch over us and keep us safe.

I am no longer with his father we split shortly after I had him but we were together five years in the end and are great friends now and we are trying to give our son the most amazing life he can have.

So to summarize I have four brothers a fantastic mum and dad, a not so great father who I have nothing to do with, which yes I guess does bother me and sometimes hurts but then I look at the people who have brought me up and god I must be one lucky person. I've felt great pain and lost some of the greatest people in my life but also have had great times and the joy of bringing life into this world and had the support of people that care so much for me and my son. Life really is a rollercoaster but i'm sure as hell not asking for it to stop so I can get off.

1 comment:

Sabrae said...

Sounds like you have been in the ups and downs of life :) Glad you stuck it out and brought a wonderful baby into the world :)