My friend asked this question last night do we teach people how to treat us?
I look at the people around me and wonder why they all treat me differently, as if I'm a different person to each one of them.
My younger brother now a big muscle bound gym fanatic, he's seven years younger than me and we have always been really close. I'm almost a second mother to him in a way but maybe its just the way older sisters are with their brothers. We have such a strong bond and he will always tell me he loves me no matter who he's with. If either of us have any problems we turn to each other. He split up with his long term girlfriend a little while ago and it broke his heart he would tell me he couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel and I would always try and reassure him it will be better in time. He would answer but your so much stronger than me you cope with anything thats thrown at you.......Do I or is that just the way you like to see me little bro? Or is it just the way i've wanted my little brother to see me so that he knows that theres always someone there that can help him deal with life?
My best friend C I think she is the one that understands the real me, but then we have known each other for twenty years and experienced a lot of highs and lows together. She sees that I get scared and I worry but eventually, maybe with a bit of a push I'll tackle everything head on. She understands I get lonely but also understands that I can deal with this and I am genuinely happy being the way I am.
My parents view me as independent and stubborn but worry constantly that we're ok.
I've had friends that have basically taken me for a mug but I've managed to see this and delete them from being in my life.
Last October I started a relationship, with an amazing person could this finally be mr right??? Things went well I relaxed and let the barriers down, let this man look after me. Looking back now I see how he slowly manipulated me, I'm not sure thats the right thing to wear out, I feel uncomfortable when you talk to that man etc etc for such a switched on independent person I didn't notice it happening. Christmas eve arrives and we get to go out as my son is staying with his dad (another person that sees me as a strong woman) we have a good night I feel comfortable we mingle. We catch a taxi home and his friend rings to make sure we have got home ok as my b/f is drunk. He turns round to me and makes the strangest statement he is ringing because you are having an affair with him! Don't be stupid I say hes your best friend I've only met him a handful of times. This is the start of the worst night and christmas of my life he attacks me as if I was another man constantly pounding me with his fist, his hands round my throat till things start going fuzzy, I have everything movable thrown at me including the christmas tree. some how I manage to get him out of my house, even to this day I have no idea how I managed to do this. He's outside the front door kicking it to try and get back in. The first person I ring my little brother, I was hysterical and yet he manages to calm me enough to get me to ring the police and he makes his way over to mine as quickly as he can. By the time he gets here the b/f now no where to be seen as I hear the police sirens I know its over and look at the demolition site that was my home. My brother stays with me that night and my best friend comes christmas day morning to help clear the mess and make my house look normal for a "happy" christmas day before my son comes home to unwrap his presents.
I'm battered, bruised and in a complete state of confusion. My son returns home and here I go the image of a perfect day in a perfect home. I'm so glad he doesn't have any idea of what that "man" did to his mummy. That time of year is coming again and I adore christmas I get more excited than most children, this year I do have a underlying fear, the flashbacks return the smell of christmas everything about christmas. This year I'm going to make it the best christmas ever no matter how scared I am inside as there is nothing to be scared of this year!
All these people still see me as a strong independent woman that can cope with everything, and yet I was a soft easily manipulated person to someone else. But then was I he only got away with it once. I'm glad these people see me as strong as I want them to know they can turn to me with anything. Is this the way I've taught them to see me? Probably.
So is it us that teaches people how to treat us? I think so I think we act differently around different people and then they react to that by treating us a certain way and we end up conforming to the situation.
Sometimes we're good teachers and occasionally we can be bad teachers. But then we're only pupils in this life anyway so who says we have to get it right every time?