Sunday, 16 November 2008

Could they not of told us life would be so complicated?

They say that what happens to us in life is what makes us who we are. I suppose they are right but do you ever wonder if that maybe one day we could just be given a break and that just today could we just be who we are without any outside influence? Without people trying to make us something we don't actually want to be.

Why have I made the decision to air my thoughts and feelings on the internet? Because I have discovered over the years that if you do write things down they become so much easier to understand. For some reason when you try to speak to someone it never seems to come out the way you want it to, and you can always be sure that someone somewhere could be having the same experiences as you.

So here I am a Sunday afternoon sat wondering when did it all get so complicated?

Waiting for S to come round, although he isn't mine and could possibly never be mine, things in both our lives over the last 9 years have put stop to us being together, but does that mean we aren't suppose to be together or maybe just not yet? I guess till it happens we will never know and until that time (if that time ever occurs of course) we will always be in each others lives as friends, best friends maybe as we always seem to support each other no matter what. Which of course raises the question is this all we are meant to be to each other? If you love something let it go if it comes back its yours forever. Although we don't appear to be coming back to each other, is this so that we become the people we need to be to be together? or just the opposite? Don't get me wrong nothing happens in any sexual way or any way that could hurt other people in our lives, neither of us are the sort of people that could hurt anyone else! and please remember if your sat there thinking yeah right I have no reason to lie on here so the truth will always be written.

I've always said if I could go back to my school years but knowing exactly what I know now maybe things would be different. But in the actual reality of things they probably wouldn't be and would I actually want them to be different? Who knows hindsight is a beautiful thing!

So who am I?

I'm a 29 year old woman, although even this feels a strange thing to call myself, I still feel I'm a girl a woman is my mother surely? I've been through the ups and downs of life and wonder if maybe one day I could have more ups and a few less downs.................please? Should I really have lived through so many experiences at what some people would class as a young age? But of course in my own mind with the big 30 creeping up on me at a high rate of knots I don't feel that I should be classed as young! But I'm sure in years to come I will look back at this statement and think god you were so young!

My blogs are not going to be on any particular subject other than me and my life the people around me and the things that bring me pain and joy. I am no writer and English was never my strong point at school, but then I'm not sure anything was my strong point at school except maybe a quick ciggy behind the bike sheds! Welcome to the roller coaster it could be interesting it could be boring who knows lets see what the world has in store for me..............

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