So todays been pretty uneventful (touch wood) compared to the last few weeks, finally a bit of breathing space. But the thing with breathing space is it brings thinking space as well!
My thoughts today have been all over the place, a very day dreamy day, possibly just my brains way of dealing with everything so it can be put in that little box and shove it to the back with everything else you don't want to think about anymore.
First waking thought obviously being coffee, but as I am sat there drinking the coffee the brain comes into action (why does it do this why not leave me in peace??? my haze of sleepiness was so much nicer).
But these things keep cropping up so lets deal with them:
Is A ok? Is everything working out for him now? are they finally getting to a happier place? Do I ever enter his head? Do I want to be entering his head, surely this would not be a good for their relationship now? Truth being I do hope he's happy why wouldn't I, I want their relationship to be happy and rosey and everything people dream a relationship to be. But then that little nag at the back of my head I wonder if eventually we could of had that?............ no that thought has to be erased NOW! never to return (heres betting it returns but hey).
That issue dealt with.............for today, slightly less questions being asked this time fingers crossed, it may not be there every day soon.
So I move on to my emails. Nothing interesting all very average. Facebook catch up with what friends are doing, all status changes pretty much the norm except one, my friend J just going through a pretty messy breakup of a four year relationship shes not a happy girl judging by this one today. I initiate a bit of banter and try and get her smiling, she tells me I have cheered her up but of course I know that deep down I haven't, only time is going to help that pain.
I told her she doesn't need to tell me whats happened I just need to know thats shes as ok as can be expected. She gives me a brief outline of what appears to be gossips spreading rumours about herself and her ex and what they have both apparently been up to, these rumours obviously not helping their current situation at all.
So my main thoughts today Why do people feel the need to get involved in other peoples problems? why feel they have any right to judge other peoples situations? would everything not be easier if people cared more about other people instead of trying to be the first to butt in and make things harder?
I try and not judge other peoples actions, I may not understand why they do things but who am I to judge after all we are all human, surely we all do things wrong in our lives without meaning to hurt other people? and wouldn't the world be a boring place if we were all smiley happy people all the time?
The world is full of joy and pain maybe we could try and be there for each other through the good bits and bad bits.
It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not.