I've spent this afternoon packing my little mans suitcase ready for his holiday, bless him he's so excited that hes actually going to see some snow this christmas and mummy will get to know what its like to be a single nearly thirty woman!!! Plus I get to look forward to the day he comes home and we get to go to the panto two days before christmas, good times!
Other than this still living the dilemma of my love life but just going with the flow and taking things on a daily basis, watch this space....
Saturday 13 December 2008
Wednesday 10 December 2008
Wheres the button to lower these barriers?????
Well I ended my last blog mentioning the issue my new relationship has brought up.
Where to start..........
Well the new man, I've known him for years he use to work in the pub I drank in. I remember the first time he served me he actually made me speechless he has the most amazing eyes and when he spoke to me he would look directly in my eyes, my stomach actually flipped! But over the years we just became friends and would chat when we were in the pub.
So a few weeks back he asked me to come out for a catch up drink and its turned into the beginnings of a relationship.
But....
I am seriously struggling with certain aspects of a relationship. I have lived on my own with my little boy for the last 6 to 6 and half years now. My mum said to me only a few months ago that I'm too independent to settle down now and I fear shes right.
I am starting to get that nagging feeling of being annoyed with him when he's around me too much or when he trys to help me do things! Which is obviously completely mad but the only thing I can put it down to is that I am so use to having my own space and doing things for myself so that when someone trys to do something for me I almost feel like they are doing it as they think I cant do it for myself, so then I end up having to prove a point that I'm not a helpless woman and if you can do it so can I!
So what I am trying to establish at the moment is am I too independent or is it that this is not the right person for me to be with? I'm thinking time will tell and while its deciding I need to take note of my issues and try and deal with them and let him do some things for me even if it is with gritted teeth, as I know he is only being like it to be kind and I do appreciate it I guess its time to work out where the button is to lower my barriers!
Where to start..........
Well the new man, I've known him for years he use to work in the pub I drank in. I remember the first time he served me he actually made me speechless he has the most amazing eyes and when he spoke to me he would look directly in my eyes, my stomach actually flipped! But over the years we just became friends and would chat when we were in the pub.
So a few weeks back he asked me to come out for a catch up drink and its turned into the beginnings of a relationship.
But....
I am seriously struggling with certain aspects of a relationship. I have lived on my own with my little boy for the last 6 to 6 and half years now. My mum said to me only a few months ago that I'm too independent to settle down now and I fear shes right.
I am starting to get that nagging feeling of being annoyed with him when he's around me too much or when he trys to help me do things! Which is obviously completely mad but the only thing I can put it down to is that I am so use to having my own space and doing things for myself so that when someone trys to do something for me I almost feel like they are doing it as they think I cant do it for myself, so then I end up having to prove a point that I'm not a helpless woman and if you can do it so can I!
So what I am trying to establish at the moment is am I too independent or is it that this is not the right person for me to be with? I'm thinking time will tell and while its deciding I need to take note of my issues and try and deal with them and let him do some things for me even if it is with gritted teeth, as I know he is only being like it to be kind and I do appreciate it I guess its time to work out where the button is to lower my barriers!
Tuesday 9 December 2008
Busy busy busy!
Wow I dont know where the last few weeks have gone really its been so hectic but I guess its the time of year!
I've now managed to complete every bit of christmas shopping thank goodness!
The christmas decs are up, now that was a day of emotions running wild! Having got the tree down from the loft and out of the box I realised it was damaged after last year antics. This resulting in a major stroop of kicking empty boxes around and lots of crying and flashbacks. So it was decided not to try and fix the tree but to throw it out and buy a new tree and decorations to build new memorys from this year.
My little man is off to Bulgaria next week to visit his grandparents so I'm going to have a week off, not sure how this will pan out. More than likely I will enjoy the peace for two days and then feel at a complete loss and not know what to do with myself!
Things with previous said man are looking promising but has also raised some issues with myself which I will get into in another post as I am now being called to read Twas the night before christmas (the best christmas poem written) before bedtime.
I've now managed to complete every bit of christmas shopping thank goodness!
The christmas decs are up, now that was a day of emotions running wild! Having got the tree down from the loft and out of the box I realised it was damaged after last year antics. This resulting in a major stroop of kicking empty boxes around and lots of crying and flashbacks. So it was decided not to try and fix the tree but to throw it out and buy a new tree and decorations to build new memorys from this year.
My little man is off to Bulgaria next week to visit his grandparents so I'm going to have a week off, not sure how this will pan out. More than likely I will enjoy the peace for two days and then feel at a complete loss and not know what to do with myself!
Things with previous said man are looking promising but has also raised some issues with myself which I will get into in another post as I am now being called to read Twas the night before christmas (the best christmas poem written) before bedtime.
Wednesday 26 November 2008
Quick catch up
I have had a hectic few days but in a good way.
Sunday my son went off to have some Daddy time so this meant I could have some me time! I started the day with lunch at a nearby carvery with two very good friends of mine, and we completed it with a very lazy afternoon in the local pub sitting around gossiping, the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon! Followed by an evening out with a man!! Oh my god yes it is true what can I say I took the plunge again. It was a very lovely evening which ended up in me falling asleep on his sofa, but he just tucked me up and left me there till the morning which I must admit I found a very sweet thing to do after I had finished blushing.
Monday pretty uneventful I rang the court witness protection team and they just wanted conformation I was willing to stand up in court in front of my ex. Oh yes I am, roll on 13th January!
Tuesday having had a phone call informing me I didn't have to do the afternoon school run as Daddy was going to do it and then bring little man home the next morning I spent the day and evening with previous said man! We spent the day in town and yes I will admit it mainly in toy stores acting like kids it was fantastic and hilarious.
Today I have been babysitting for my friend C, I have spent the day cuddling feeding and changing the most adorable little baby. Oh and said man popped round for a cuppa as well................ watch this space who knows which way it will go.
Sunday my son went off to have some Daddy time so this meant I could have some me time! I started the day with lunch at a nearby carvery with two very good friends of mine, and we completed it with a very lazy afternoon in the local pub sitting around gossiping, the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon! Followed by an evening out with a man!! Oh my god yes it is true what can I say I took the plunge again. It was a very lovely evening which ended up in me falling asleep on his sofa, but he just tucked me up and left me there till the morning which I must admit I found a very sweet thing to do after I had finished blushing.
Monday pretty uneventful I rang the court witness protection team and they just wanted conformation I was willing to stand up in court in front of my ex. Oh yes I am, roll on 13th January!
Tuesday having had a phone call informing me I didn't have to do the afternoon school run as Daddy was going to do it and then bring little man home the next morning I spent the day and evening with previous said man! We spent the day in town and yes I will admit it mainly in toy stores acting like kids it was fantastic and hilarious.
Today I have been babysitting for my friend C, I have spent the day cuddling feeding and changing the most adorable little baby. Oh and said man popped round for a cuppa as well................ watch this space who knows which way it will go.
I've been tagged!
Well I've been tagged to list 8 random things about me so here goes....................
I'm petrified of going up the ladder into the attic, I have no idea why and I try to force myself up the ladder but I only ever get so far and I have to slowly edge back down!
I believe in life after death, I have been to see a medium on two occasions and I am a strong believer that the people I have lost are always around me giving me strength when I'm struggling.
I can't eat carrots if they are cut a certain way as they remind me of my childhood at my fathers house, I know completely crazy! But my mum finds it hilarious!
I can be extremely hyper and will do pretty much anything just to have a laugh. As long as its not hurting anyone obviously.
I'm a complete night owl, I will happily stay up all night whether I'm tired or not but as soon as the morning comes I would curl up and go to sleep in seconds quite happily.
I find it really hard to talk about myself and except compliments, even this is a struggle!
I love sex and always like to try new experiences, I draw the line at somethings but I love to have a healthy interesting sex life.
I'm a deep thinker and always ask questions about life and people, I like to understand how things work I guess.
So now I need to decide who to tag which I'm going to have to do a bit later on
I'm petrified of going up the ladder into the attic, I have no idea why and I try to force myself up the ladder but I only ever get so far and I have to slowly edge back down!
I believe in life after death, I have been to see a medium on two occasions and I am a strong believer that the people I have lost are always around me giving me strength when I'm struggling.
I can't eat carrots if they are cut a certain way as they remind me of my childhood at my fathers house, I know completely crazy! But my mum finds it hilarious!
I can be extremely hyper and will do pretty much anything just to have a laugh. As long as its not hurting anyone obviously.
I'm a complete night owl, I will happily stay up all night whether I'm tired or not but as soon as the morning comes I would curl up and go to sleep in seconds quite happily.
I find it really hard to talk about myself and except compliments, even this is a struggle!
I love sex and always like to try new experiences, I draw the line at somethings but I love to have a healthy interesting sex life.
I'm a deep thinker and always ask questions about life and people, I like to understand how things work I guess.
So now I need to decide who to tag which I'm going to have to do a bit later on
Sunday 23 November 2008
Things are about to change around here
Thankfully the phone calls turned into nothing other than the phone constantly ringing till a stupid time in the morning. Unfortunately its brought up some very well hidden anxiety's and I have to admit I'm jumping at little noise's but I'm trying to look at in a positive light, if they are there they need to be dealt with and I feel like I'm in the right place to tackle them head on now.
The most eventful thing that has happened today is my little man falling flat on his face and splitting his lip open, luckily it looks worse than it is and he is fine. All I can say is who needs botox for a top lip like Angelina Jolie. Of course he's been spoilt to a trip to my friend C's house for a dinner of KFC, so his world maybe a little bumped and bruised but its a happy place again!
So my plan for tomorrow is lunch with friends and a day all about me as the little man is off for a day of fun with Daddy.
Everything else bring it on I'm ready and things are about to change round here!
The most eventful thing that has happened today is my little man falling flat on his face and splitting his lip open, luckily it looks worse than it is and he is fine. All I can say is who needs botox for a top lip like Angelina Jolie. Of course he's been spoilt to a trip to my friend C's house for a dinner of KFC, so his world maybe a little bumped and bruised but its a happy place again!
So my plan for tomorrow is lunch with friends and a day all about me as the little man is off for a day of fun with Daddy.
Everything else bring it on I'm ready and things are about to change round here!
Friday 21 November 2008
The calm before the storm
Well I didn't think I was going to find anything to write about today, and then this afternoon decides to bring oh such joy.
I missed a phone call today because I've been running around doing chores, when I finally picked up the message it was from the courts witness protecion unit reference the court case against my ex (from last christmas). The court case will be in January seems to of come so quickly considering when they told me I couldn't believe that it wasn't going to be over for a year! So I made the decision I will return the call on Monday as I have had such a relaxing week and it didn't sound urgent. Kind of put me on a bit of a downer though just re-living memorys again! which I am attempting not to do.
So while we are having a nice dinner together catching up on the school day, the phone keeps ringing, but I leave it to deal with once we have finished.
Clear away the dinner things....go tackle the phone calls......caller ID ........... oh................ the ex! My whole body felt like it was on firer the anxiety pretty unbearable but I attempt to calm myself down as my son is giving me a questioning look.
The phone keeps ringing even now but I'm ignoring it as much as I can. I presume he had a call from the courts as well and its triggered it all off again. I am just hoping and praying he isn't going to decide to turn up on my doorstep.
Let you know tomorrow I guess...................heres hoping
I missed a phone call today because I've been running around doing chores, when I finally picked up the message it was from the courts witness protecion unit reference the court case against my ex (from last christmas). The court case will be in January seems to of come so quickly considering when they told me I couldn't believe that it wasn't going to be over for a year! So I made the decision I will return the call on Monday as I have had such a relaxing week and it didn't sound urgent. Kind of put me on a bit of a downer though just re-living memorys again! which I am attempting not to do.
So while we are having a nice dinner together catching up on the school day, the phone keeps ringing, but I leave it to deal with once we have finished.
Clear away the dinner things....go tackle the phone calls......caller ID ........... oh................ the ex! My whole body felt like it was on firer the anxiety pretty unbearable but I attempt to calm myself down as my son is giving me a questioning look.
The phone keeps ringing even now but I'm ignoring it as much as I can. I presume he had a call from the courts as well and its triggered it all off again. I am just hoping and praying he isn't going to decide to turn up on my doorstep.
Let you know tomorrow I guess...................heres hoping
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